Spring Inside Me

A state of mind: confused and stressed out; tired and lack motivation. Spring wind blowing calling for change. I see and I listen. In the deepest parts of myself I can hear my inner spring crying out. That I ignore while sitting in a pile of crap sipping my cold coffee. I know what needs to be done. I know how I will do it. I know in which order I have to do it. I know everything I need to know to make a change. I think a little more about it. Forgets it. Being reminded at night, in dreams.

Planning makes future realistic only when the plan is executable. Realizing once limits is key for planning. My limits are in my mind – limitless. In reality, they are human. Refusal is common – need to make most of the time. Rest I can do once dead. Thoughts are easy. Life is hard. I believe I am done thinking – time for execution.

State of mind: restless and down; partly self-loathing; partly self-love. Eat. Sleep. Work. No writing. No creative mind overflowing with ideas, of Mars and spring and change. Close to numb. Indifferent. Maybe even apathetic. It is a dangerous state of mind to be in – not caring about my surrounding society and my fellow comrades living here. I do not even care about my own mental and physical health.

Pushing forward spring cleaning will be done, in time, and for the first time in years. I can feel the wind of change and I will ride the wave it creates before me, ride it for as long as I can. Gray will become green. Summer is on the horizon – staring and longing for it. Always!

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