Waiting. For something that does not seem to want to be found. But I will keep searching. This for me to learn to love my self. To love life, which is hard when there’s trouble loving oneself. This is why I loathe myself: lack of discipline; no sense of order; no regards for my well-being; a blank stare at the wall; no smell of cooked food; dirty surroundings.
I’m still waiting. Sometimes I think I will always be waiting, searching for the one thing that just might turn my life around, make it worthwhile. Realistically it will never happen; only action can solve any problem.
Work might be a good thing – it pays the bills. Work might be a good thing – it’s social. Work might be a good thing – it can bring satisfaction. Work is exhausting – writing suffers. Work is exhausting – makes me antisocial. Work is exhausting – makes me sleep too much. Work should be fulfilling – bring joy. Work should be rewarding – make you feel good about yourself. Work should be inspiring – cherish a creative mind.
Action… need more action, in my life – my mind works overtime. And I am lost for words, as usual. Pushing forward as this one page work comes to an end without any kind of resolution I can bring with me – just a blur of random things.
Be strong, stick with the simple and focus on what makes you happy and the self-loathing will go away and life will become bright and colorful and filled with impressions.