Self-Loathing & Isolation

Waiting. For something that does not seem to want to be found. But I will keep searching. This for me to learn to love my self. To love life, which is hard when there’s trouble loving oneself. This is why I loathe myself: lack of discipline; no sense of order; no regards for my well-being; a blank stare at the wall; no smell of cooked food; dirty surroundings.

I’m still waiting. Sometimes I think I will always be waiting, searching for the one thing that just might turn my life around, make it worthwhile. Realistically it will never happen; only action can solve any problem.

Work might be a good thing – it pays the bills. Work might be a good thing – it’s social. Work might be a good thing – it can bring satisfaction. Work is exhausting – writing suffers. Work is exhausting – makes me antisocial. Work is exhausting – makes me sleep too much. Work should be fulfilling – bring joy. Work should be rewarding – make you feel good about yourself. Work should be inspiring – cherish a creative mind.

Action… need more action, in my life – my mind works overtime. And I am lost for words, as usual. Pushing forward as this one page work comes to an end without any kind of resolution I can bring with me – just a blur of random things.

Be strong, stick with the simple and focus on what makes you happy and the self-loathing will go away and life will become bright and colorful and filled with impressions.

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Author: Alaska Frank

Who is Alaska Frank? Some would describe him as a strange fellow with really messed up ideas. Maybe that’s true as his scripts are pretty damn odd. And brutal. For me, Alaska Frank is my personal way to handle reality. He’s my alter ego I created long ago to match the way I feel. The name Alaska points to my cold heart and no feeling of regret or shame or any other feelings for that matter. Frank stands for my honesty to everyone in any given situation. Some might take this as something offensive and become mad or sad or both while others appreciate it. My alter ego Alaska Frank has grown over the years and has now, in recent times he has become a real person for me. Even if you can’t meet Alaska Frank in real person he exist within me and follows me everywhere and I can bring him out whenever I need him. This might sound odd, like I escape the reality, afraid to meet the harsh. This is not the case. Alaska Frank is me and has always been me. It’s just not until my later years I realized it. Call it an identity crisis. Or any other thing if you like. But the fact is – I am Alaska Frank. And will always be. And I identify myself with my own creation. The main occupation for Alaska is writing, mostly drama for the stage but at some occasions he also writes fiction novels and poetry. He is fond charmed by the things presented with an open mind, things created to think and philosophize about. A bit of odd dark humor thrown in to it does not hurt either. Alaska Frank is pretty open with his projects he’s working on and if you are interested you can read small and early synopsis-like presentations of a bunch of stories he has in the Upcoming project and Current Project-pages. Feel free to comment on everything you read on this blog, either it’s posts or pages. I will answer if there’s a question in hand. Something else you might want to know: Alaska Frank is from Sweden, hence his main language are not English. He writes in English for the simple reason to learn, so if you read any of the content on this blog feel free to comment on this matter.

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