Self Reflections

Last week of my vacation, which was supposed to be spent out in the woods on Bergslagsleden, a 280 kilometer long trail here in the region where I live. I had to cancel the trip as my legs broke down; ill prepared for deeps snow which became to much for me so on my second day I took the decision to cancel the trip. I am a littlest bummed out about it but I have learned something: my physique is bad and I seriously have to get into shape I hope to do a trip like this (and finish it) in the future.

Going forward; I have a bunch of projects started (like my loft bed construction and living room renovation/decoration) and a few “smaller” projects that I like to get back at. These are: renovation of my typewriters; design, prototype and produce a custom made backpack. I have a few more projects but those are tightly integrated to the loft-bed/home-renovation-project. But I have a lot of stuff at hand and non of which I work on, I just think of doing them. This blog is one of my “projects” that I do not work on the way I might wish to. I also wish to make myself time to read all the books I have purchased and now just sits on the shelves collecting dust.

My home is a mess, seriously. It’s so bad I can’t have people over (not that I am interested in that) nor do I have the space to make things. It’s all a big distraction for body and mind and I am sick and tired of living in a dump, pretending I am a “creative” person and this is how it has to be for me to be able to work. It is just one big lie. And my life could be so much better if I just got my head out of my ass and got this place cleaned up and organized.

For what it all really comes down to in the end is a distractions free environment and less things to think about so I can focus on what’s really important in my life: writing. I try from time to time to write but I just end up writing a few lines, do some script planning and then I shut the lid of my computer to go back to procrastination. Nothing really gets written. And there is so much I need to write. Ever since back in 2006-2007 when I had my epiphany I have had one big goal in my life: to become a writer and have works published. I have a long way left to walk.

Over all I am pretty tired of my life. Bored most of the time. Wasting my days on meaningless things wishing to have something else, to live a different life. If someone where to ask if I am happy and I would give an honest answer it would be a simple NO. Not as it is right now.

I don’t know if this post have said anything of importance or giving me (or you readers) any revelations. But maybe there’s someone out there struggling in a similar way as I do and have thoughts and ideas of how to get out of the deep hole I (we) have dug for myself/ourselves?


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