My So Called Life

I am bored. Constantly. I lack motivation. Still, ideas are endless. The combination makes me frustrated and constantly tired. I once thought I had a clue of how to get back on track – with life – but all attempts have failed. Not even sure if I can call them attempts, more like a vague thought. I end up wasting my time on pointless activities. Even that word “activities” seems like a exaggeration as I simply do nothing other then just sit in my chair, have some music playing or a podcast on for some background noice while I keep thinking about everything.

Nothing really are what I think they should be.

I go on with my so called life – eat, sleep, show up at work, repeat – and for what? Nothing in my daily life gives me pleasure any longer. There’s one exception: writing. Even if writing is my source of happiness – the feeling of accomplishment as the printer kicks up and starts spitting out pages – I tend to not do it more-so than thinking about how I should be writing.

Simplicity must be my goal to strive for.

I do have come to a conclusion though and that is a fairly simple one: if I get rid of all things that distracts me I will have no other choice than to make do with what I have left – keep writing. Such a thing is easier said than done. Or is it? I want a simple carefree life that goes along in a slow pace starting with the rising sun (and not in the afternoon). I can make that almost happen – working shift – with the earliest morning on “late day” at around 9 am. Yes, regular work is an interference with my writing process but IF writing really is that important to me – meaning to life – then I should seriously work extra hard on making that my prime source of work and not just a short momentary burst-of-inspiration-thing and complain about being to tired from working all day.

A day is more hours than a regular nine-to-five day.

If we go back a couple of years to when I bought this MacBook Air I am writing this post on I did that purposely. Not that I needed a new computer but for the one reason: a work machine to help me stay productive. And I should not have any “entertainment” installed on it. I have kept it that way but the problem comes as I have not stopped turning of my old computer which draws an awful lot of attention and makes me head over to YouTube and Facebook and play simple games and waste time on pointless crap. One step in the direction I am looking for is to disconnect my old machine and stove it away. I really don’t need it.

Making life changing decisions are scary. And tough.


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