Just as most other writers out there I am one of those who as of yet can not pay my bills through my writing. That means finding something else that brings money in, which in my case is a regular 2 shift job at in the wood-industry; a sawmill to be more precise.
In the grand scheme of things it’s all fine and the work is not necessarily bad, not when you start caring about the product you are making and care for the details. Making a good job and focusing on getting better at what you do also helps getting the boredom of doing the same (or similar) tasks all day long. Of course there are those days when getting up from bed in the early morning to head to work is tough.
And then there is this thing with balance. Steady work means steady income but it comes at the price of less self-time and less time for writing. Often when I get home from work in the afternoon I am to tired to sit down and write and I end up wasting the hours before bedtime or I do a little plot-planning and structuring of existing chapters/scenes etcetera.
I don’t feel like I am getting anywhere. Like I am stuck. This makes me somewhat frustrated and even if I look at my life, what I have and the possibilities I have I can’t get rid of the feeling of being bored, tired and pretty much sick of everything around me. I find myself wishing to disappear and start over someplace else. I really don’t want to be another one of those who get stuck at a boring regular work and then forgets about the dreams and the endless possibilities that could come with it.
I don’t have the tools for it. Or, maybe more accurate, I don’t know where I have put my tools to deal with it. So I stumble along…
The other aspect of things is inside a question I often ask myself: how important is writing for you? I’d like to say: without it I would have no reason to exist. Is that true? I’m not sure but I do know that if I don’t write for a few days or weeks I get really weird and somewhat depressed and secondly, I think about stories and plots and lines all the time.
So for me writing is really what I live for these days but, as mentioned earlier, I have a real struggle finding (read: taking) the time to write and do actual work on my projects. Recently I did quit my role as chairman of a theater and in doing so I did also leave everything else at the theater. It sucks as the theater was my second home and I loved that place but I had to take something out of my life in order to make more room for the other things: writing. Quitting my job is not an option as I need the income.